The scary truth about what’s hurting our kids

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Muslim Parents should read Salaah, Quran and Zikr Together with their Children Daily even for a few Minutes. Read to them Stories of The Sahaaba  – The Beloved Companions of Nabi  as they are our Role Models and Heroes. Most Importantly also is Maktab (after school Madrasah). Islamic Education is Absolutely Vital and Essential. Our Children need to be in Maktab Madrasah continuously after school everyday from Grade 0 upto Grade 12 despitethem attending a Muslim School. There is a great misconception that if our child attends a Muslim School then they are not required to attend Maktab (after school Madrasah).

CNN recently interviewed Dr. Jean Twenge, author of iGen and her interview worried me because I saw the truth that I would be facing in just a few short years.   Dr. Twenge started doing research 25 years ago on generational differences, but when 2011 -2012 hit, she saw something that would scare her to the core.   This is the year when those having iPhones went over the 50% mark.The results of that should scare all of us.

• This was the year that more kids started to say that they felt “sad, hopeless, useless… that they couldn’t do anything right (depression).”
• They felt left-out and lonely.
• There is a 50% increase in a clinical level depression between 2011-2015.

Why is this happening?  Why are kids more depressed because of electronics?

Think about when we were in school – we didn’t know every time that there was a get-together that we weren’t invited to and we didn’t see pictures of each outing, game, or party.

We didn’t care what we looked like when we were hanging out with friends, because we were  the only ones that were there- I can remember sitting around with my best friends in our sweatpants, just laughing – I didn’t wear makeup or care if I had my hair fixed just right, because the worry of a phone or camera wasn’t there.

Think about bullies.  When we left the school, we left them.   If teasing happened, it didn’t happen at home.  It didn’t happen so publicly.   Everyone couldn’t see it or know what they were teasing other kids about since they weren’t there.  Now, it’s all public knowledge, and anyone can join in or watch.   It’s horrifying.

I can’t imagine being a tween or teenager now.   Although- as the parents of children, we have to believe it, because we have to help our children navigate it.

She goes on to say that “Today’s children are being deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood:

• Emotionally available parents
• Clearly defined limits and guidance
• Responsibilities
• Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
• Movement and outdoors
• Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times and boredom

Instead, children are being served with:

• Digitally distracted parents
• Indulgent parents who let kids “Rule the world”
• Sense of entitlement rather than responsibility
• Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
• Sedentary indoor lifestyle
• Endless stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification, and absence of dull moments”
  How true… and how sad.

What can we do about it?

 

-Get back to what we did before phones (back to what our parents did when we were young)… spend time playing games with our kids.

-Spend dinnertime talking.

-Drop everything that you are doing when your kids get home from school to TALK to them.

-Make dinner without having the TV on, the phone close by, or the tablet tuned into something.

-Use any ‘car time’ to talk to our kids (maybe even by not allowing electronics in the car)

-Have your kids do chores: Responsibilities increase their self-worth.   Example: if you don’t set the table, we can’t eat.  If you don’t wash your clothes, you will have nothing to wear tomorrow:
“To develop a high self-esteem a person needs a purpose. A key component to high self-esteem relies on how you view yourself regarding contribution. In other words, in the child development process, chores are a big role in a kid’s self-esteem.

-Be sure that your child is getting enough sleep.   This is a substantial contributing factor.

-Don’t keep a lot of junk food in the house.  Limit junk food & replace it with fruits & vegetables.  If your child is picky, they can certainly find a fruit or vegetable that they like.  (I’ve taught our kids to make smoothies, too, but they have to clean up after themselves, or they lose the privilege of using the blender… they LOVE to make them, so this is a consequence that they will not want to be placed on them).

–"Take away electronics" and tell your kids to “go play!”   Don’t feel the need to always play with them.  My job, as a play therapist, is to teach parents how to play with their kids to help them, so while I always think that playing with your kids is a good idea, but I also want them to play alone.  I want them to learn how to keep themselves entertained.

From the time that our kids were tiny, I gave them time to entertain themselves, and now they are are all good about finding ways to keep themselves busy (drawing, playing, building, etc..)

– Don’t rescue your kids.   Here’s a recent example that happened in our house:
I’ve started having our kids pack their lunches (with my supervision), but yesterday one of our sons decided to wait.. .and wait… and wait.  When it was down to 10 minutes before leaving, he asked me to pack it.  I said no, and he then asked for lunch money.  I said, “I think it’s upstairs in your piggy bank if you have some in there.” His face said it all.   I wasn’t going to buy him out of this.  It was his responsibility.

IT is NEVER easy to teach our kids these lessons, but they serve our kids well.   He quickly made himself lunch and was on his way.   He learned a valuable life lesson about preparing himself for the day.

-Talk to your kids about why they need to come to you if something is wrong.  I talk to our kids about all of this, and they know that I would do anything to help them.   I say it daily… “If you are ever feeling sad or left out about something and it becomes too big for you to handle easily, come to me.”

Yes, it’s a lot to tell them, but it is the truth.  I need them to know it.  It’s not a joking matter, and it’s not one to take lightly. Talk to your kids TODAY.

Make a rule with yourself that you will limit YOUR online distractions when your kids are home. Set a time that you can put electronics away… for example: Make 3:30-9:00 a no-tech time for you, the parent.   (or whatever hours your kids are home). It will not only benefit your kids, but it will help you, too

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